


How I got here

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5813773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an experiment, I haven't ever written anything like this. This story is only dialogue between two characters. Sam (soulless and fresh out of the Cage) tracks down a hunter he remembers seeing when Lucifer had control of his body. She proceeds to explain what she was doing in Detroit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Devil Walks Into A Bar

**Author's Note:**

> As I said in the summary, I have never written anything like this and I have been writing fics for 15 years. Please, give kudos if they are due, and comments if you have time. Thanks!

"How did you end up there?"

"Well, that's an interesting existential question, you know. Ooh, I really don't think the knife is necessary, do you?"

"Let me worry about what's necessary. You worry about answering my questions."

"Sam-"

"You don't know me. Do you?"

"No, you're right. Should I call you 'Mr. Winchester'? 'Cause if we're gonna be talking, I should probably be able to address you."

"Just start talking. Why were you with Lucifer in Detroit?"

"Fine. You want the long or the short?"

"Try the short on me."

"Lucifer walked into a bar. He decided not to kill me. He sent his demons to watch me. Eventually, said demons wound up taking me to Detroit."

"Okay. Now, try the long."

"How detailed do you want this? Is this a 'leave anything out and-"

"I'll kill you. Don't leave anything out."

"Okay, then. I'm a hunter, I'm sure you've figured out by now. I assume that's why you went so tight on the ropes. I've only been hunting for a few years, though. Compared to you, I'm a newb. I was at a bar in Atlantic City. I was celebrating a good hunt before I went searching for the next one. I recognized the demons as soon as they walked in. You know, it's their gait and that predatory gaze. I wasn't prepared for an angel. I was still reeling from the knowledge that angels exist. He was the first one I ever came across. I guess I'm just lucky that way. He was in his first vessel. He sat next to me. I knew he had to be bad news, he was running with demons, but... he felt divine. He just exuded grace, ya know? He turned to me and asked my name. I told him and asked his in return. He said, 'You can call me Nick if you want'. I asked if that was his name. He said I wouldn't believe him if he told me his real name. So, I said 'Try me' and he told me he was Lucifer. As soon as he said it, it clicked. He felt divine because, at one point he was divine. I thought I was gonna die. He bought me a beer, though. He said that he was in prison for a long time and before he started everything that he needed to do, he was going to have a few drinks, enjoy being topside."

"Lucifer took a detour to have a drink with you before he started the Apocalypse?"

"I think it was his vessel's influence, honestly. I mean, you've been a vessel, you know that there's a little bit of pull there. I think Nick wanted a beer and Lucifer obliged."

"Okay. So... he bought you a beer in AC, and?"

"Sympathy for the Devil can get you places, sometimes. We started talking about our families. I understood the whole thing with the Daddy issues and the sibling rivalry, but mostly, I just let him vent without judgement. Even knowing who he was, I listened. I guess that gave me brownie points. He knew I knew him. I knew and I didn't run screaming, I just sat there and listened. My hands are going numb, by the way."

"Deal with it."

"Okay, then. Ahem, I've tried to blame the next bit on his vessel, but... Lucifer kissed me, not Nick. He said something about the way I smelled-"

"Lucifer kissed you? He hates humans."

"Yes, he does. He just didn't hate me quite as much as everyone else. He said that I smelled good. His vessel responded to me, he responded to me. I wasn't going to turn Lucifer down. That's a sure-fire way to get killed. And this was back before Nick started to disintegrate, so it's not like he was unattractive. I got to be his first kiss. I have that to brag on for the rest of my life. He wasn't bad, considering. He might've pulled from Nick's memories, though he'd never admit that."

"So, you made out with Lucifer in a bar?"

"No. Do you want me to tell this story, or not?"

"Go on."

"Lucifer _kissed_ me in a bar. We didn't make out until a week later, in a motel room in Raleigh. See, he had two demons follow me, keep tabs, you know?"

"He could have found you any time he wanted."

"Yeah, but he wanted to know what I was doing. What I was hunting, who I was associating with."

"And you just let these demons tail you? What kinda hunter are you?"

"I grabbed one, the first day that I noticed them. Sent it back to the Pit. He just sent another one. Figured it was kinda futile after that. Devil wanted me tracked, I was gonna be tracked. Anyway, so he showed up in my motel in Raleigh while I was researching for a salt 'n burn. He started venting, mostly about you. 'Why does he have to be so stubborn? We all know he's going to say yes. He should save us all the time and effort and just let me in now. No, he's stubborn, willful, just like all the rest of the damn monkeys walking this ball of water.' And then, he got this look on his face, like he realized he'd insulted me too. And he fuckin' apologized."

"And that's when you ran because you realized that Lucifer never apologizes for anything."

"No. Lucifer liked me because I never ran. I never ran from him. Well, except that one time, but that wasn't... that was different."

"What one time?"

"I'll... get there. You said don't leave anything out. I have to give you the chronological order of things or I'm gonna forget something. It's kinda stressful with the whole 'knife to my throat' thing. Anyway, he apologized. He said, I wasn't like all the rest of the monkeys. That I understood more, I think what he said? He, uh, he said that he hated us, that we were a blight on his father's perfect world. And then he said I was closer to perfection than any other monkey he'd seen. Then, he kissed me. I kissed him back and we ended up making out like teenagers for a while. Which was surprisingly nice."

"So, you were Lucifer's girlfriend?"

"Not... that is an oversimplification. Angels don't have girlfriends, or boyfriends. I mean, you hang with, what's-his-name, Castiel, right? Does he seem like the boyfriend type? No, it was more... Lucifer would get... overstimulated, or he would get stressed and venting at a bunch of demon yes-men didn't really do much to help him, so he would come to me. He would confide in me, he would rant to me, then he'd show his appreciation for my being a good confidant."

"Through kissing?"

"Through physical interaction of a pleasurable nature."

"So, you fucked Satan?"

"Don't judge. You said 'yes' to him just the same as I did. We've both had Lucifer inside of us. I think mine was just a lot more fun."

"You said something about running from him?"

"He asked me to. Handed me an angel blade and sent me into a warehouse with half a dozen demons. After I killed them all, he jumped down and ordered me to outrun him. I couldn't, of course. Outrunning an angel is almost impossible. Especially if you don't really want to."

"So, if he caught you-"

"Yeah. And he caught me. That was our first, you know, official time."

"So, why shouldn't I kill you, right now? You're a traitor to the human race and a disgrace of a hunter."

"Are you kidding me? _I'm_ a disgrace? You brought him out of the Cage. You broke the last seal because you were thinking with your dick, all hopped up on a demon whore's blood. I fucked an angel, you fucked a demon. I think mine is less- Shit, Winchester, that pinches! Look, I kept hunting. After he gave me that blade, I took down all kinds of monsters with it. While you were distracted trying to stop the apocalypse, I was ending shifters and poltergeists. I put down a wendigo last year, with an angel blade. I think that's good enough to keep me-"

"Why were you in Detroit?"

"Because Luci sent Meg to grab me. He wanted me to see his new vessel. He wanted to make sure I was still happy with his form, even if it was you. And he wanted some stress-relief before the big fight with Michael."

"Did you have sex with Lucifer while he was in my body?"

"Do you remember that happening?"

"No. But I know that Lucifer pushed my consciousness back for a while. I don't know how long."

"3 hours, or thereabouts."

"So, you did have sex with Lucifer in my body?"

"It was nice for him to be in his right vessel. Nick was kinda... falling apart there toward the end. It was like fucking a powerful leper."

"Thanks for the imagery."

"You're just upset that I've seen you naked."

"Why would I be upset?"

"I don't know. I mean, you know your body better than I do. You know how much you've got to be proud of."

"Are you really flirting with me? You're tied to a chair with a knife to your throat and you're flirting?"

"Honey, I was in a sexual relationship with the Devil. Knives and bondage are foreplay. And like I said, I know how much you've got to be proud of."

"I think you should- what was that?"

"Probably Meg. Did I mention that Lucifer left a standing order with his loyal demons to keep me safe even if he didn't win? I forgot to mention that, didn't I? See, he predicted that I might have some trouble with angels, other hunters, some non-loyal demons... he figured that whoever took over in Hell might want to take me out just because I was important to the old boss. Meg's been shadowing me since Detroit."

"And she's coming in to rescue you from me?"

"You do have me tied to a chair with a knife at my throat. It might only be Meg, though, and I know you can handle a single demon. But... it might be a whole squad. Crowley's only been in charge for a week, there are still a lot of loyalists running around Earth. And I've been in here talking to you long enough for them to smoke into local meatsuits. Can't help but notice you didn't salt the windows. And I'm guessing you didn't pull up the carpet and draw a devil's trap. So, you have options, here. Let me go, because I haven't done anything worth getting yourself killed over; or slit my throat and take your chances with all the demons Meg could contact."

"If I had Ruby's knife, I'd..."

"But you don't. Your brother does, right? Drove away from Stull Cemetary with it in his trunk. So, what do you say?"

"Don't have much choice."

"Well, it was nice talkin' to you, Sam Winchester. I hope to never see ya again."

"Don't count on it."


	2. Not your average hunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two. Reader and Crowley have a dialogue.

"Hello, sweetheart."

"Crowley. To what do I owe the displeasure?"

"Thought it was time we meet. You've dodged, what, 3 attempts on your life by now?"

"4. I'm counting Sam Winchester. You send him my way?"

"Definitely not. Might've mentioned seeing you to someone who mentioned it to him, but that was purely coincidental."

"Right. Did you kill them?"

"Who?"

"My Lucifer-appointed bodyguards who haven't been more than a restraining order's distance away from me for the past year. I didn't see them outside."

"Oh, they had to go. Lucifer loyals, you know, can't leave too many of them around. Might try to pull Dad back out."

"You say that like it'd be easy to pull off. Azazel and Lilith were planning that jailbreak for years. So, why are you here?"

"I have a proposition for you. A deal."

"I don't make deals with demons."

"Oh, put it away. I'm not afraid of your little angel blade, pet. Now, you... not an average hunter, are you? Not an average anything. I mean, I've personally tried to have you killed 3 times-"

"4 times."

"Fine, 4 times. And you've walked away every single time. I assumed it was the Lucifer squad, but the last two assassination attempts you shook off completely alone."

"You don't think Lucifer picked me just 'cause I give good head, do you?"

"Oh, I'm sure that didn't factor in, at all."

"Well, what do you want, Crowley?"

"I've got a project going. I'm looking for an in to Purgatory. I want you to help."

"Why?"

"Because you're very capable for a thirty-something dropout in plaid."

"Funny. Why do you want into Purgatory?"

"Honestly?"

"If you can manage it, yeah."

"It's a power play. Purgatory is where monsters go when they die. Millions of monster souls."

"Ah. Souls are power. Lucifer told me this bit. _You_ need more power? You run Hell."

"That holds less sway than one would think. Are you interested in helping?"

"Well, that definitely depends on what the hell you want and what I would get in return."

"Ever been up against an Alpha?"

"Alpha what?"

"Alpha anything. Alpha Vampire, Alpha Shifter, Alpha bloody Rougaru, I don't care! Have you?"

"No."

"Think you could handle it?"

"Why do you want-"

"They're ancient. If anyone can remember how to get to get into Purgatory, it's them. I'd like to... politely ask them how to get there."

"Politely, that sure sounds like you, Crowley. What do I get out of it?"

"I stop sending people to kill you. Sound good?"

"I think I've been dealing with that pretty well, don't you? Might need a little more incentive here."

"What do you want?"

"I want... exemption."

"What's that?"

"I want to be exempted from the torture of Hell. And I want it in writing."

"So sure you're coming my way, pet?"

"Yeah. I figure all the lives I've saved really aren't going to do much to help me get into Heaven. I'm going out on a limb and saying that Heaven probably looks down on mind-blowing sex with the Morningstar. I'm going down... and I want exemption from the Hell portion of Hell."

"And what do you think you'll be doing while you aren't being tortured?"

"Whatever the fuck I want. Maybe you could give me a place in your cabinet, that'd give me something to do."

"Cabinet? What makes you say I have a cabinet?"

"Because you aren't a monarch, Crowley. You're a politician. And not even a Kennedy. You actually had to work to get where you are. You probably have a bunch of advisers, twisted old souls who've been in Hell a good long while, who help you figure out what to do about certain situations. How to deal with the Winchesters, best way to up your sales, what to do about those young upstart demons who are hoping for a bit of glory getting too much attention on the surface... best new ideas for torture. When I get there, if you wanted, you could give me a spot. Fresh face, new ideas. I won't be bored that way."

"So, in exchange for working for me, you want to work for me?"

"What can I say, I'm a realist."

"Opportunistic, more like. No wonder Lucifer liked you."

"You have no idea why Lucifer liked me. You don't know him. You betrayed him."

"Spare me, sweetheart. He was going to kill everything on Earth and in Hell. I had to give him up to the Winchesters."

"He wasn't going to kill me."

"Oh, lucky you. The one human who'd be kept safe from Croatoan. How long before he didn't need you anymore?"

"He never needed me. But you seem to."

"You aren't the only hunter, luv."

"No. Still, you're here, aren't you?"

"Fine. Here it is, if you bring me an Alpha monster, I will cease attempts to kill you and if, or when, you end up in Hell, you will be exempted from all torture and considered for a position on my... team of advisers."

"Okay."

"You're actually reading it? No one reads it."

"'Not an average', remember? Now, shut up, I'm trying to get past your legalese, here. No. You're taking this out."

"It's standard-"

"No. Take out the 'Sex slave' clause or I ain't signin'."

"Had to read it, didn't you?"

"That's exactly _why_ I read it."

"Here. Sign now."

"Not done reading."

"Should I add a speed-reading clause? Help you out there?"

"Pen."

"And now, the kiss."

"Ridiculous."

"It's the way we do it, sweetheart."

"Was it necessary to use so much tongue?"

"I'm not the one with the dilated pupils and elevated heart rate."

"Shut up, Crowley. Our deal is done. You can leave now."

"Need any pointers on tracking the Alpha?"

"Go."


	3. Silent Partner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader brings in her alpha.

"Where's Crowley?"

"He is otherwise occupied. I can take the alpha from you."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen, sweetheart. I frenched the King of Hell. I'm not handing the product over to the silent partner."

"I... I don't understand."

"This is the first chupacabra. I almost died to get it. You, nameless, are not the guy I made the deal with. When is Crowley gonna get back?"

"I don't know. Give me the alpha."

"Okay, who are you? You aren't a demon. You feel more like... holy shit, are you an angel?"

"Please, put away the blade. I don't have any intention of hurting you."

"You're working with Crowley. You can't be a good guy."

"You are working with Crowley, too."

"Yeah, but I'm under contract."

"Why _are_ you under contract?"

"Poor decision making. Had to pick up the pieces after my man got locked up. So, I made a deal with the King to ensure my comfortable future. So, who are you?"

"Castiel."

"Wait. Aren't you the Winchesters' pet angel? What are you doing with Crowley?"

"We came to a mutually beneficial agreement."

"Oh, I'm sure those boys will totally understand that, right? I mean, it's 'mutually beneficial'. HA! These guys don't give a damn about that. They only see shades of grey when it comes to each other. Everyone else is black hats or white. They see a huntress doing a lot of good, putting a lot of monsters in the ground, well that doesn't matter, because she fucked the devil a couple times. Winchesters try to kill that hunter. Winchesters will try to kill you, too."

"They won't find out."

"Ooh, to have your kind of confidence. Crowley is a black hat. You're a white hat. Mutually beneficial deals..."

"There is civil war in Heaven. What I am doing with Crowley doesn't matter, so long as I win."

"Civil war in Heaven? Like... after God created humans? When Lucifer rebelled? Brother against brother?"

"Angel against angel. The archangel Raphael wants to restart the apocalypse, pull Lucifer and Michael out of the Cage. The fight would destroy half the planet. All of my sacrifice, all of Dean and Sam's hard work... it would be invalidated."

"Oh. You need juice to fight big brother, Raph. That's why purgatory."

"Yes."

"Well, maybe I should be talking to him. If he's got the juice to get Lucifer out of the Cage... Maybe he could get me a conjugal visit."

"I don't understand that, but I don't think that'd be wise."

"I don't claim to be wise. Look at me. I've got an ancient chupacabra in a reinforced dog cage because I made a deal with the King of Hell because I need protection from angels and other hunters because I was stupid enough to fall for Lucifer. Wisdom is hard-earned and I'm taking my time to earn it."

"You... 'fell' for Lucifer?"

"Love, Castiel. I need to explain that to you?"

"You fell in love with Lucifer? You couldn't have thought..."

"Love isn't about thought, dude. From the moment I met him, I thought that I should have been trying to kill him. I thought that I shouldn't take the beer he bought me. I thought that I shouldn't have enjoyed kissing him as much as I did. I definitely thought I should try to gank him once he gave me this thing, the one thing I _thought_ could actually take him down. But those thoughts just... went away as soon as he looked at me. That's love. Complete mental shutdown. An influx of chemicals in the brain that stop rational thought in its tracks. And for that, for a year of my brain being in an intermittent 'off' state, Sam Winchester tried to kill me... and when he failed at that, I get blacklisted by every hunter Sam Winchester can drop my name to. I have hunters I've never met taking shots at me because... Lucifer liked me? That's absurd. But there's no grey. There's black and there's white and if you spend enough time with the black hats, the dye rubs off. The Winchesters don't seem to be interested in letting people grab the bleach."

"They won't find out."

"You keep saying that. I didn't think anyone would find out I was sleeping with Satan, either, but the Winchesters persevere through all of our expectations, don't they?"

"I've mentioned to Castiel that he underestimates them. Is that my Alpha?"

"Chupacabra. Hope you can speak this thing's language, 'cause I don't, Crowley."

"I'll figure it out. I'm sure I can trust you not to mention Castiel's involvement in this project, yes?"

"That would require me to talk to anyone who gives a damn. I don't. Deal fullfilled, I'm golden, right?"

"Right. No torture for you. Congrats."

"Cool. I'm out. See ya when I die. Hopefully, not before then."


	4. You look different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years later, Reader gets a surprise.

"Whoa. Blast from the past, Cas. How you-"

"Sit down. Don't move."

"Ahem. That's... Some kind of power you got, Cas."

"I'm disappointed in you. I mean, I've been gone, what, 5 and a half years? You've forgotten me, already?"

"I... What?"

"The black haired mud monkey with the shit-brown eyes... he put a ring on your finger. He thinks that's a mark of ownership. You let him think he owns you."

"I-"

"But he doesn't own you. I do."

"Lucifer?"

"Hi, honey. I'm home."

"You... Why are you wearing Castiel?"

"Because Sam is more stubborn than I remember. And brother Cas, he sees the temporary big picture."

"And what's that?"

"Well, you haven't been on the circuit lately, I take it. The Winchesters popped the lock on the Cage holding the Darkness."

"Darkness? Is... that as bad as it seems?"

"Yeah, God's sister. Auntie Amara has been set loose upon the world. I am the only one still around, still around and sane enough to remember how to take her down and stuff her back in the box."

"And then... Apocalypse Now?"

"Hm. Maybe. Probably. You... didn't wait for me. That's..."

"Lucifer, come on! You got thrown back into the Cage. It took millinia to get you out last time. Thousands of years, 66 seals, any of this ringing your bell? There is no way I could have even _hoped_ that those idiots would let you out again."

"That's why you quit hunting and married a construction worker?"

"He's a contractor."

"So, a handyman, then."

"That's not fair. He-"

"Do you love him?... Oh. That's a lot of silence, princess. You afraid you're gonna offend me, or him?"

"Kyle!"

"Less Kyle, more demon wearing Kyle as a vessel."

"Luce-"

"Answer the question."

"No, of course not, he's little more than a safe place to hide... but _he_ loves _me_. You can't fault him for that, can you?"

"No, I suppose not. Go jump off a building and leave him."

"Lucifer!"

"He got you for 4 years. I think he's had a full life. If you don't see him as anything more than a safe haven, you shouldn't mind this much."

"Luce... Don't kill him. It would deeply sadden me if I was the reason he died."

"You know when I send Amara packing and I start up the end times again, he's going to die a much worse death?"

"Lucifer... I guess you're right."

"It's almost like you've forgotten who I am over the last 6 years. Have you forgotten, princess?"

"No. I've thought of you every day since Sam jumped into that hole."

"Have you? Even when you were on your honeymoon with the handyman?"

"Every time he touched me."

"It's time to go."

"Where?"

"You can't be trusted by yourself this time, _y/n_. Last time I left you alone, you went and married 'Kyle'."

"You don't have to say his name like that, love."

"Are you telling me what to do?"

"No, n-no, of course not."

"Good, because I wouldn't want to have to punish you. I mean, this is meant to be a celebration."

"A celebration? Of what?"

"My freedom, your recent widowing, the... way the air smells, the beauty of the sky above our heads... the things I'm going to do to you when I get you back to Hell."

"Hell? You... you took Hell?"

"Of course, I did. It's mine. It's always been mine. What, are you afraid that I'm going to find out that you made a deal with the traitor Crowley?"

"Lucif- ow!"

"I'm not upset that you survived, _love_. I'm upset that you felt the need to betray me to secure that survival."

"Please, stop! Lucifer, please!"

"Tsk. I love hearing you beg. True, this is the first time you're asking me to stop anything. That whine, though, little cracking noise your voice makes... hmm-hmm. Love it."

"Please, please, Lucifer, stop."

"When we get to Hell, I'm really gonna hurt you. Crowley had a room just _full_ of torture supplies. I mean, more than even Hell should have."

"Please, Lucifer, ple-ah!"

"If you're good, if you follow direction, if you make me feel like you never stopped loving me, never stopped thinking about me... if you can _prove_ your love, you weak little whore, maybe I'll forgive you."

"Lucifer, I _do_ , I love you. Please, please, please stop."

"Come on. Let's go have a nice reunion. Oh, don't fall down. You haven't flown in a while, have you?"

"I've been a housewife for the- shit, cuffs?"

"Don't want you moving. Not too much, anyway. Screaming, though, I definitely want that."

"Lucifer, this is ridiculous. I didn't betray you! You were effectively-"

"Trapped, while you made a deal with the demon who stole my throne and then married a hairless ape named Kyle."

"Lucifer... I love you. Please, I love you. Don't do this. God, don't hurt me."

"Don't bring him into this. The Darkness can't find him, he's not gonna show for you, baby."

"Don't-"

"Where are the tears? I'm going to have to cut you before you leak salt water, aren't I?"

"Please, don't-"

"You haven't been hurt since you quit hunting, have you? You've _forgotten_ what actual pain feels like, haven't you? And you are terrified by it now."

"Terrified by the thought of my love cutting into me while I'm chained to a table in Hell? Yes. Yes, Lucifer, I am terrified."

"Then, where are the tears? Let's get rid of these."

"I loved that shirt."

"I'll get you more. If I let you live."

"Can we stop fucking around here, Lucifer? We both know you aren't gonna kill me. We both know you aren't gonn-ah! You bastard!"

"What was that? Couldn't hear you over the sound of blood hitting the tile."

"Ah-hahaha. Ooh, that's... oh, those are endorphins I haven't had active in a long... long time."

"I tell you that you could laugh?"

"Fuck you. You just stuck me with a... some sort of trident. That's a joke. Lucifer stuck me like a pig with a three-pronged fork. Hahaha."

"I'm glad you've found the humor in the situation. I was hoping for a bit longer before the laughter."

"Sorry, babe. I guess it's been too long since we've played this game. Give me a minute, I'll put the begging face back on."

"No, you've ruined it, now."

"Mmm, I missed you. Come here."

"You sure you don't want your husband?"

"Please. If you hadn't shown up and had a demon throw him off a building, I probably would've tossed him, myself. He was good camouflage, but man, was he infuriatingly boring. And the whole domestic thing... I set up a fight club in a local bar because I couldn't stand the whole non-violence thing. I'm not cut out for the regular life."

"Well, at least Kyle didn't taint the taste of you."

"Oh, I missed you... Doing creepy shit like licking my blood off your fingers."

"I love when you kiss me like that."

"Hey, so did you smite the fuck out of Crowley, or do you have him stashed somewhere where I could kick him in his stupid face?"

"Why would I just kill him? Taking everything from him is so much more fun. I'll grab you a shirt and we can go see the cur."

"What, I can't walk around Hell shirtless? I'm Lucifer's mate. Who is gonna stop me?"

"They wouldn't stop you, they'd look. And I'm the only one who gets to see that."

"Fine. I'll put on a shirt. Ooh, that's pretty."

"Blue looks good on you. So does red. Let me get that, so you don't bleed on your new... blouse. "

"Oh, tingly."

"Come on."

"You know, he tried to kill me. For, like, a year."

"Yeah. I heard that. Glad my demons were worth a damn." 

"I did most of that, myself. You know, Hell isn't so bad as I thought it'd be."

"Crowley's work, not mine. I could care less about the comfort of demons. Hello, doggy."

"Oh, that's precious. He's even got a little collar on!"

"Oh, just kill me. Why would you bring her here?"

"She wanted to see you. I wanted to laugh at you. It works."

"I was  _nice_ to her. I offered her a place in my cabinet."

"I haggled for that, thank you. And that was after you tried to have me killed four times."

"I had a right to-"

"Crowley, you have no rights. You're a demon, a traitor and generally, a manipulative ass."

"You're calling  _me_ manipulative? You manipulated Moose into that Cage, you manipulated my mother into doing your bidding. Your girlfriend know you promised that ginger whore a throne next to yours in Heaven?"

"He, obviously, never meant to fulfill that promise. I mean, where is your mother now?"

"Dead. Had to. She was the only one who can open the Cage."

"What has he promised you, sweetheart? Think hard on that and ask yourself how much he's actually going to deliver on."

"Shut up, Crowley. I am his choice. And he will just kill me when he tires of me."

"And the fact that she knows that, she knows me so well, that is why she actually gets the seat next to mine when I ascend."

"And what do you get from this one, Lucifer? Mother got Sam into the Cage with you. What does she do for you?"

"Whatever he asks, whenever he asks it."

"Seriously, just kill me."

"When we tire of you and not a moment before."

"Can you, at least, make out somewhere else? It's a bit disgus-ow!"

"I think it's time to break this puppy. Wanna help?"

"I haven't... tortured before."

"I can teach you. You remember how much I like teaching."

"I remember. Can we start with the slicing? I like slicing."

"Of course, we can start with slicing."


	5. Americano: black, no sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader meets with some resistance when getting her morning coffee.

"Well, look at that. Right on time. Coffee at 7, just like Crowley said."

"Fuck."

"You know, routine will get you killed."

"Shit."

"You know, Sam and Crowley told me about you. Lucifer's hunter girlfriend. I don't know, guess I just expected you to be hotter."

"Yeah, well, I'm hot enough for the one true King of Hell, so that's good enough for me."

"Go ahead, try the other one."

"Damn it!"

"You sliced off my ear."

"It grew back, Crowley. Don't bitch. So, what is this, Dean? Revenge for me and my lover slicing up your lover?"

"Crowley's not my..."

"Oh, please. Crowley would not shut up about your little bromance. 'Dean's gonna realize I'm gone. He'll be calling. He'll realize...' please. Dean didn't even realize Castiel had said 'yes' until Lucifer broke character."

"I never said that. And I don't sound like that."

"Oh, that's exactly how you sounded when I was cutting off your ear."

"Back off, Crowley. Remember the plan."

"Oh, there's an actual plan here?"

"Yeah. We trade you for Cas."

"Hahaha, you're funny. That's not gonna happen."

"Yeah? I seem to remember you having a very close personal relationship with Lucifer. You don't think he'd trade his vessel for you?"

"I don't think you understand our relationship, Sam. We work because I understand how irrelevant I am in the grand scheme. I know I'm a bug. I know I'm expendable. I don't try to act bigger than my britches. He rewards me for my insight. Besides, Cas wanted this. He said 'yes' so that Lucifer could take down the Darkness. You know, the creation-ending monster that _you_ idiots let out? How are you planning to get rid of her without an archangel?"

"We'll figure it out. We always do."

"You always fuck up things worse. Every time. You really think you can manage to take down the Darkness without making everything else a thousand times worse? Unh!"

"I'm sure he won't mind a few bruises. He likes her that way, if I remember."

"Haha, bring it, has-been King. I was a hunter for 5 years. I fucked the devil. You think a few punches... unh! Heh-heh. Hn. Oh, a long time since I busted a lip this good. Since... well, rule #1."

"That's enough, Crowley. We need her alive or we have nothing to trade."

"Better listen to your boyfriend, puppy."

"He's not my-"

"Not like Cas was, right? Is that why you're so upset? Because Castiel said 'yes' or because he said 'yes' without consulting you? Because you confided things in Lucifer that you would've only told Castiel?"

"Shut your face. Crowley's not the only one schooled in bruising."

"Oh, I know all about your schooling. Alistair, right? Fuck! Ow. Ooh, that left hook. Makin' me all tingly. Might not even need to go back home. And there's the ropes. Definitely don't need to go home."

"She flirts when she gets nervous."

"I don't recall being nervous when last you had me tied to a chair, Sam. I remember being horny and cocky because I knew that you weren't gonna kill me."

"And now?"

"Still not gonna kill me. You think I'm a bargaining chip, even though I've told you I'm not. So... I'm golden, and if you guys want to keep flirting, I sure will play along."

"What kinda sick chick are you, that getting punched turns you on?"

"What kinda sick man are you, that punching a woman turns _you_ on?"

"Not following."

"Or is it cutting them that gets you?"

"Shut up."

"You may be interested to know that, through Lucifer, I have learned to enjoy being cut. There's a rush of hormones in the brain that make the whole event just... lovely."

"I said, shut up."

"How are you planning to get Lucifer here?"

"We're going to pray."

"You really think- yew ash-ho... ah woe ee esh ahoyin' if ah ag."

"The point of a gag is for you to shut the hell up."

"Dean, she might be right. What if Lucifer doesn't show? What if he doesn't care?"

"You haven't seen Lucifer with her, Moose. _I_ have. It's not just sex and violence with them. He cares."

"'o ee uh-ent."

"Gag her better, Dean. Maybe some duct tape. I _saw_ them. They weren't just all over each other. I mean, they _were_ all over each other, it was a bit disgusting, but they were... cuddling. They were caressing each other as Lucifer taught her how to slice me into strips. He cares."

"So... what, just think of Lucifer and tell him we have his girlfriend?"

"She's a little bit ahead of you on that one, Dean. Oh, no. No holy fire."

"Ah oh oo ah oo om."

"Princess, that's why I _had_ to come. So, y/n for Castiel, huh? That was your great plan? Come on, guys! You think I'm gonna give up a vessel that can hold two angels, for that?"

"She's your-"

"She's the best human I found. I'm going to kill you all, anyway. She knows she's included in that. I mean, weak, pathetic, mortal... why would I give up Jimmy Novak for a monkey whose body will fail, _by design,_ in less than a century? Damn. Lost Crowley again! He is slippery!"

"Ah oh oo."

"Let's fix that. Better?"

"Much. Thank you, love."

"Of course. Now, what to do with the Winchesters? Last time I saw them, I was just going to kill them for the hell of it, but... then they kidnapped my woman. _My_ woman. The balls on you. It was Crowley's idea, wasn't it? He's wanted her since she made that deal. Always wanting to take my toys."

"You just  _let_ him talk about you like that? Like you're an object?"

"Oh, Sam Winchester, closet feminist. Being objectified by a powerful archangel whom I love is not a huge deal to me. Why does it matter to you? You wanted to kill me a few years ago."

"That... I didn't have a soul at the time."

"It was in the Cage, with me. We had fun, didn't we, Sammy?"

"We are going to destroy you, Lucifer."

"I've never understood your confidence, Sam. All you do is fuck things up, yet you still have this crazy idea that you're actually worth a damn."

"Lucifer, can I have a moment? Leave them. They can still be of use."

"Are you sure? You know that if this comes back to bite us, I won't be happy about it."

"I know. And I'm not underestimating them. I never would. I know what they're capable of and so do you, Luce. These two and Crowley, they have found two Hands. And they know now, that the Hands can only be used once. They won't make the same mistake twice. So, we leave them be, let them work on tracking another, while we work it on our end. They find it first, we take it from them. We find it first, they never know... until Amara is gone."

"You know, I knew there was a reason I kept you around... other than your amazing body. Good news, boys! y/n must have a thing for plaid, or your left hook really was that good, Dean. She's pleaded for mercy on your behalf... and I'd do almost anything to keep my favorite toy happy. So, we're going to leave and you're going to act like you didn't fail so horribly. And you... need a new cafe."


	6. Something Big

"Hey. Who's the beardy guy on your throne?"

"Shut up."

"Luce, are you okay?"

"I said, shut up."

"Is that how you speak to your lover? I taught you better than that. Well? Are you going to introduce us? I came a very long way to meet the mother of my grandson."

"What?!"

"You weren't even going to tell her, were you? Just gonna blast her with Grace in her sleep, huh?"

"Oh my god! I mean..."

"Don't worry about it. That doesn't bother me nearly as much as the zealots think."

"I'm pregnant? And you were going to abort it without even telling me?"

"I'm not fit for fatherhood. I didn't have a very good example."

"That's not an excuse!"

"You haven't spoken to me since I was cast out, and you show up to talk to me about this? Not the Darkness being released, or me sharing a vessel with your favorite baby angel, but this? I don't want to talk about my relationship."

"I want to talk about this! Is this the first time?"

"Hush, princess. Higher life forms are talking."

"No! Your pregnant monkey is talking. This isn't the first time I've gotten pregnant, is it? When you were still wearing Nick, that period I had with the horrible cramps... I'm right, aren't I?"

"You are. Now, do you see him?"

"I love you. I worshipped you. I did everything you ever asked. Why would you..."

"You're a hunter. You can't be pregnant and be a hunter. I was just helping you."

"Bullshit, Lucifer. This is... too far."

"You should go here. The Winchesters will protect you."

"The Winchesters? But..."

"No, I know. Tell them Chuck sent you. Dean's gonna tell you I'm dead. I want you to tell him 'Chuck said something about angel witsec. He's been in Bermuda with Jesse.' Then, tell him about the baby. They will help you. Can you handle that? Good. Go now."

"The Winchesters hate her. They won't be happy about this."

"They don't know the real y/n. They only know her under your influence."

"What do you mean?"

"I created her, Lucifer. You just tainted her. I know who she is underneath all that bravado and faux cockiness that she uses to shield herself. You know, she's got a lot more in common with Dean than you would think."

"Oh, really? Because I'm pretty sure I didn't just taint her. She hasn't been hunting in years. I turned her. You think she's gonna stop worshipping me just because you sent her to Sam and Dean? Just because you told her I did something she didn't like? Next time she sees me, I guarantee, she'll fall at my feet and beg forgiveness."

"You aren't writing this story, Lucifer. Do you even know who she is when she's not with you? Other than marrying Kyle, do you know how she spent those 5 and a half years?"

"If you're going to tell me things I already know, you can stop now."

"She wasn't leading a Fight Club, she was leading a flock. Kyle, he brought her back to me. Well, back to Christianity, anyway. She found there were a lot of women who had survived toxic relationships who needed a place to talk about me, my plan for them."

"So, she spent her Sundays singing your praises. She was still thinking of me every night."

"You know, she had this one sermon that she would say, in some variation, every Sunday. She would tell these young women about how the best day of her life was the day her ex got sent to prison. She said that she would thank me every day and every night because she got to be herself again. She did, by the way, twice a day, she thanked me for you going into the Cage. You know what she said the night after you came to grab her? After you killed her husband, took her to Hell, drew her blood, made her draw Crowley's blood... she prayed and asked, 'what did I do wrong?' I couldn't just pop in and tell her that she didn't do anything wrong, that I wasn't paying attention and shit hit the fan. It lacked..."

"Literary symmetry?"

"Believability. See, a woman like that, who becomes jelly when her poison man walks in, she needs something big to turn her off of him. I had to wait for that something big."

"The baby. You..."

"You've lost her. This hunter who knows you better than anyone, this hunter that you've trained against your demons, you've chased her into the arms of Dean Winchester because you couldn't get over your daddy issues."

"I have daddy issues? Whose fault is that?"

"You rebelled, Lucifer. You chose this."

"She's mine... Father. You will bring her-"

"Don't you have a Darkness to fight?"

"Where di- Arhhh. Someone get in here! Find the Winchesters. I want to know where God sent my woman. GO!"


	7. Stories

"What are _you_ doing here? How'd you find us?"

"Please, don't hurt me, Dean. Chuck sent me here."

"Nice try, sweetheart, but Chuck's dead."

"No, he's not. He said something about angel witsec. He said that he's been in Bermuda with Jesse."

"Who's Jesse?"

"I don't know. That's all he said. He told me to tell you that then tell you about the baby. He said you'd help me."

"What baby?"

"My baby. Lucifer's baby. He was gonna kill it. I stood up to him about it, which means he was gonna kill me, too."

"All right. First thing. Dean, grab the India ink, we have to ward her so he won't follow her here."

"I didn't know angels could get humans pregnant."

"He told me it wasn't possible, but... Chuck said it wasn't the first time Lucifer had gotten me pregnant."

"So much for Lucifer's 'I don't lie' BS."

"Yeah."

"So, how'd Chuck look? I mean, he disappeared after the fight. None of his writing has appeared online since Becky put the last book up, he hasn't been..."

"Witness protection, Dean. He had to lay low. I'm sure he's got a computer full of our lives in Bermuda."

"I want to apologize."

"Don't move too much. These sigils have to be perfect."

"What do _you_ have to apologize for? Last I checked, we were the ones who keep tying _you_ up."

"Kinda deserved it. I... I'm not really like that, I promise. I'd tell you to ask my husband, but... Lucifer killed him."

"So... It's, what, Stockholm between you two?"

"I don't know. I mean... I was so _drawn_ to him. I knew he was bad. I kept thinking that I should run, that I should try to hurt him, but... all he had to do was look at me and I would melt. I mean, I planned it out once."

"Don't move."

"Sorry. I planned it. He gave me an angel blade, and after that I sat down. There were a couple of weeks where he didn't show up, so I was clearheaded. I planned out a way to kill him. Who gets closer to the Devil than the woman in his bed, right? So, I planned and then... as soon as he was back, as soon as I heard the sound of his wings, the plan was gone. And that was consistent. I knew that what was happening was wrong. I knew that he was poison, but I couldn't stop. I was drawn to him, like... like an addict."

"So, what were you like before he poisoned you?"

"The first time, or this time? The first time, I was just a regular old hunter. There was poltergeist at my house when I was little, it got me into the whole hunting thing. I never lost anybody, so I wasn't, you know, bitter like some hunters. I was happy in the life, happy to be alone and away from my overbearing parents, the shadow of my sister's success. I was happy. And then, Lucifer walked into a bar and I didn't run from him. My brain said I should, but his voice, his smile, his eyes... I was stuck. I was struck. When he kissed me, that was the end. He became my happiness and my... my absolute despair. The best day of my life was the day that Sam jumped into the Pit, because I knew that I could _think_ again. I knew that I could be me again."

"But I met you after that. You were-"

"A bitch. I know. I... It's a defense mechanism. Just like the flirting, I flirt when I'm nervous. You were right."

"Hey. That's not important right now."

"No, it _is_. I... that's part of what I wanted to apologize for. You reminded me of Lucifer, and when you grabbed me and tied me up in my motel room, I flashed back to who I was with him. He... I spent a lot of time bound... chairs, beds... he liked tying me up and cutting me. You, as his vessel, tying me up with the knife at my throat... it was like I was with him again."

"So, you're, like, a completely different woman when he's not around?"

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"Can you take off your over-shirt? I have to mark your arms."

"Sure. I mean... a month ago, I was... a pastor for a group of troubled women in my husband's hometown. Women who needed help getting past their... toxic relationships. I helped these women, women who had been hurt by men they loved. I felt I was uniquely qualified to help them find God's grace."

"And Lucifer came back and took you away?"

"Yeah. He showed up, he had a demon possess my husband, he killed him, then took me to Hell. I immediately put on the... the persona he wanted me to have. The woman he wanted me to be. I'm disgusted at the things I did, the things I let him do to me. I'm really sorry for the way I spoke to you... the things I did to Crowley."

"Don't sweat the things you did to _Crowley_. He's a demon. He's done worse, and he's been ecstatic to do it."

"That doesn't really take the vision of me flaying him from my head."

"You flayed him?"

"Parts of him. After I took his ear off, Lucifer wanted me to cut strips of his skin off. It was to... to break him. It grew back after a few days, but... it doesn't change it."

"Hey. No tears. Winchesters don't know what to do with a crying woman."

"There. That should keep him from finding you. Seriously. You don't have to feel bad. We've all done things that... haunt us. You just have to move forward. We'll keep you safe from Lucifer, make sure he doesn't have a chance to turn you back into that woman."

"I just want my baby to be safe. I don't care about myself."

"Yeah, well, we'll do the caring for you."

"That's not..."

"Don't argue, y/n. You don't deserve what he's done to you. Now, uh... The baby. Chuck told you about it? Do you know, you know, how far along you are?"

"No. I... came straight here, didn't even stop to get a stick to pee on to confirm. But I know he's right. I can feel it."

"So, you're not late yet?"

"No. I mean, I don't have a normal... It's kinda weird to talk about this with guys. Um... Back when I was first with Lucifer, I had a period that was really bad. Like, I felt I was dying. The bleeding, the pain... It was worse than anything I ever felt on any hunt. I thought I was just sick, that it was hormonal issues from sex with an angel. But it was... Chuck said it was... Lucifer blasted me with Grace while I slept, killed the baby, didn't even acknowledge it when I was in pain the several days after. Ever since then, my cycles have been weird. It actually makes it very difficult to _get_ pregnant, the wonky cycles. My husband, Kyle, and I tried for three years. And then I get knocked up by the thing that killed him."

"Okay. Obviously, can't offer you a beer, but, uh, I think pie would help  _everything_ right now, so I'm gonna run to the store."

"Grab her some prenatal vitamins, Dean, and some Ginger Snaps and 7-up. We wanna hit the morning sickness before it actually starts."

"Where'd you learn-"

"TV... and hangover cures. Anti-nausea is anti-nausea."

"Oh, and can you pick me up some toiletries? I kinda just dropped everything and ran. Deodorant is a definite requirement."

"Any particular brand?" 

"Grab something that smells good." 

"Can do. Pie, deodorant, vitamins, ginger snaps, 7-up. Text if you think of anything else."

"Thanks, Dean." 

"So... How long will these symbols last?"

"Long enough for me to make up a hex bag for you. Dean and I have these sigils etched into our ribs. Cas put 'em there... Maybe we can get Crowley to do something permanent like that for you." 

"I don't really see Crowley doing anything helpful for me, you know."

"If Crowley cut off everybody who'd ever hurt him or tried to kill him, he wouldn't have anybody."

"Heh, that's actually really comforting. Where is he, by the way?" 

"Who knows? He disappeared from the coffee shop and then we found this case out here. He'll show up, eventually."

"Oh, what's the case? I'm sorry I interrupted."

"Don't worry. It's looking like a ghost possession. Actually, if you don't mind, wanna help with research?"

"Yeah. Might as well earn my keep."

"Here. You take the laptop, I'll hit the books."


	8. In Dreams

"This is a dream. You... look like... you."

"Well, I wouldn't have to invade your dreams if I could find you, princess. Why don't you tell me where you are and we can have this talk face to face?"

"No. I can't... I won't."

"Here's what we're gonna do, then. I'm going to torture you every night in your sleep, you're gonna stop sleeping to get away from me, and then you're going to start going crazy from lack of sleep... and while you're weak and emotionally compromised, somewhere in between awake and sleep, I'm going to give you an out. 'Tell me where you are and I'll end this' and you will. You'll tell me."

"No. I won't. Because I'm strong."

"Not when you're with me, sweetheart. With me, you turned your back on other hunters, you let demons protect you, you-"

 

"I've _been_ tortured by you, Lucifer. Even when you were gone, I was tortured by the memories of what I did, what you did to me... I couldn't sleep for a year, until I found Kyle. And now I'm tortured by those black eyes of the demon you put in hi- Don't touch me."

"Y/n, I want to talk about this. Face to face, for real, not in a dream. You need to tell me... where you are."

"Luce... No. Ahh! Fuck! You don't wanna go too hard on me, Lucifer, because if I start hyperventilating or moaning in pain, the Winchesters will wake me and you'll have lost your shot for tonight."

"Ah, the Winchesters. You know, I might have tortured you and killed your husband, aborted our baby, but you know, I've never tried to kill _you_. Sam Winchester tried to kill you. I mean, if it weren't for my demon trailing you, you'd be dead. And you run to him."

"I... this isn't going to work. I'm stronger than... cut me all you want, Lucifer. I will prevail."

"You? _You_ are weak."

"Ahh!!"

"Compared to me, because of me, when faced with _me_... you are weak."

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in _persecutions_ , in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

"Bible quotes? Eck... Dad was right. You changed while I was in prison."

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. "

"That is interesting. You're dissociating from the pain through Bible verse? Awesome. Just means I get to play longer."

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends... of the earth. He does not faint or grow... weary; His understanding is un...searchable. He gives power to the faint, and... to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shut the fuck up!"

"I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. And _you_ ain't got shit on God."

"I don't know if you're aware, but Dad hasn't been around for-"

"He's been here the whole time. Sam and Dean told me about Chuck. Haha. Chuck Shurley, prophet of the Lord who actually was the Lord. I didn't tell them, but... They liked Chuck."

"You know, princess, I think I'm gonna get back to slicing. I know how much you like the slicing."

"I'm... Hm... gonna name him 'Michael'."

"Oh, that's not the right answer, princess."

"Who is screaming? Whose dream have we entered?"

"You know, that's the biggest problem with sharing a vessel. Absolutely no privacy. Castiel. Brother. Go back to the kitchen. Jerry Springer is doing an episode about trannys coming out to their significant others."

"It's a rerun. That's y/n. What are you doing with her tied down?"

"It's personal, Cas. Go away."

"She was screaming. Lucifer, are you torturing her?"

"She likes it, don't you, princess?"

"I faked it... every time."

"Cute. See, we're fine here, Cas."

"He's just mad because I broke free of his influence and went to the Winchesters for protection."

"You... found a remedy to your 'complete mental shutdown'?"

"Heh. Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"Her remedy comes at the hands of a mass of cells replicating in her uterus. A nephilim. An _abomination._ I have to find her so that I can end it."

"Him! You want to _kill_... _him_!"

"You know, you were present when it was created, Castiel. Your Grace might have contributed. You gonna risk that it might end up with _your_ blue eyes and fluffy hair? I mean, you know how God feels about nephilims."

"Don't listen to him, Cas. He is..."

"Shut up, dear. My brother and I are-"

"I know how Zachariah and the others said our Father feels about nephilims, but that doesn't mean... Here, you have blood on your face."

"Castiel... You need to back off. She's mine to deal with... and I like blood on her face."

"Lucifer, release her. She should be allowed to-"

"She ran to the Winchesters! Those plaid-clad narcissistic monkeys are turning her against me. Don't you hear how she's talking to me?! That's not her, that's-"

"I wandered so aimless life filled with sin. I wouldn't let my dear Savior in. Then Jesus came like a stranger in the night. Praise the Lord, I saw the Light."

"And now, she's singing Country gospel. I'm gonna cut her some more."

"Wake up, y/n!"

"Castiel... I'm disappointed. What kind of brother sends his big brother's favorite toy away?"

"I'm... going back to the kitchen."

"I'll make sure she doesn't scream tomorrow."


End file.
